|
skinny wristed minor deity
|
|
|
| bucky me |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|11:27 pm] |
i officially work at starbucks. i guess i charmed the shit out those interviews.
she indicated that i might be working anywhere from 0 - 15 hours a week. i am not sure if i am concerned or relieved about this statement. on one hand (the responsible hand) i would like to make some money. on the other hand (the lazy hand) ... eh i am too lazy to come up with a reason. |
|
|
| sheep go to heaven... |
[Jan. 8th, 2005|11:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | magnetic fields | ] |
can anyone tell me what the hell is wrong with the LJ goat? is it full of bullet holes?
i watched this program about pythons and saw a python eat an entire goat. horns, hooves, everything. it took it like 4 hours. afterwards it was all bloated and slow. i looked at its stomach (or the wierd area where a snake's stomach is 'supposed to be') and then at mine and realized that i looked as if i had eaten an animal whole. granted i couldnt possibly eat a whole goat but my stomach bulges in such a way that it appears i have eaten at the very least some small animal whole. a cat or possibly a koala. you get the size range.
i am getting fat. i am not 'bulking up' but merely becoming pear shaped.
it is a really good thing that i am pretty lazy because if i had the determination to eat a large animal, i probably would. and frequently. pythons only eat like once a month but my lifestyle encourages me to eat CONSTANTLY. we are talking like 3-4 goats a day if takes 4 hours to eat each one.
i would decimate flocks. |
|
|
| ahab |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|11:46 pm] |
i went and applied at starbucks today. there were tons of people at this idiot job fair thing. i spent 2 hours there and was interviewed by three different people. i imagine it was some type of interrogation thing. they were simply trying to break me.
in the end it seemed like Kelly, Elizabeth, and Gwen liked me though. gwen was a total lesbian and i kept thinking about that "wash your vagina" thing and giggling to myself. they must have thought i was insane because i also found the idea of killing everyone with a 'charm gun' really hilarious. gwen got it point-blank right between the eyes.
after 2 hours i was a little punchy
i am supposed to call on monday. i would say keep your fingers crossed for me but i really dont care if they hire me or not. |
|
|
| no money, mo' problems |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|10:06 pm] |
i got an email from paypal saying that there were suspicious activities on my account. i do not have a paypal account so that is strange. i guess this is a good time for someone to try to buy things with my money since i have absolutely none. i paid school today and completely wiped out my checking. i am broke. i have about the same amount of money in the bank as i did when i was 11.
tomorrow i am going to this awful thing for starbucks ironically named a 'job fair'. an unfortunate pairing of words. maybe they will hire me. i am certainly not skilled but i can learn. how hard can a frapicino be to make?
my money troubles would seem so minor if there were something worthwhile in my life. i need to fall in love. |
|
|
| 2005 - the year |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|11:06 pm] |
man i am so bad at updating this crap.
eh.
so the holidays have come and gone. everything seems to be moving so slowly but before i know it, things are over and done. didn't i just start college? i cannot believe that i graduate this spring. it is nothing amazing for someone my age to feel like they never thought they would be graduating. graduating high school always seemed so far away and graduating from college is what adults did, not a mere child like myself.
when i was younger my family and i watched The Wonder Years on a regular basis. i loved the show and strongly identified with fred savage's character. i may have looked like neil patrick harris from Dougie Howser MD, but i felt like kevin arnold. i remember this one episode where kevin and winnie take the SATs or the ACTs and winnie scores higher. there was something about that moment that made me separate myself from the show. i felt like that experience was a million years away in my life and that when it did occur it would be a momentous occasion that would change me into an adult.
yet it came and went unimportantly.
there is a great part of me that still expects that i will magically transform into an adult when i graduate from college. i am responsible and somewhat mature but i feel like a child.
i guess i should stop waiting for it. this is my life. it isnt a practice run.
a new year is here. |
|
|
| eyes wide shut? |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|12:43 am] |
last night was really strange. every person i met interacted with me in a sexual way. unfortunatly i didnt actually have sex with anyone.
there is this very weird fellow i know that just decided to pseudo flirt with me all night. i think he mistook my attempts to ease how awkward me makes every situation as signals of flirtation. but he is supposed to be straight so i dont know what his deal is. he is the type that can often be seen wearing a man scarf. he insists that he is a metrosexual and despite the fact that he knows i am gay, even tried to include me in that category at one point in the night. when i corrected him that no, i am not a metrosexual, he still didnt get it. as the evening went on he kept trying to get my address. why would he want my address?
my understanding is that he likes chubby jewish girls. huh? |
|
|
| more |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|10:04 pm] |
i'm like herpes.
i just keep coming back. |
|
|
| go USA |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|09:45 pm] |
so i am aware that this isnt earth shattering news, but most people are not watching the olympics for their love of 'sport'.
i'll be honest, the ONLY reason i watch the minuscule amount of olympics that i do is to watch the hot bodies. the faces are rarely up to par but the bodies... whew. those gymnasts are just too much. and while i am pretty upset that the speedo is virtually extinct in swimming, the skin i do see is dear to me.
does any one really care about the medals?
well, besides the athletes? |
|
|
| a less fond heart |
[Aug. 14th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
the worst of the worst is when an old hook-up that you had a GREAT time with and GREAT sex with sends you a mass email detailing the fantastic party he is having this weekend roughly 600 miles away involing the hot tub that wasnt working while you were there before. this is compounded by the fact that you havnt had sex since him nor have you been to a great party in a long while. Mogadishu has nothing on me.
what is the deal with this "Scissor Sister"? and why am i so attracted to the frontman? |
|
|
| tune in to this bitch! |
[Aug. 13th, 2004|09:25 pm] |
two days in a row?! what is happening to me? this may just spiral out of control.
my friend's cd player isnt currently in a functioning state so she decided to smack it in the fashion an italian mother might smack her son.
it was in my presence so i told her "hey don't hate the player, hate the game."
she was unphased but told me "oh come on. it isnt like its a child."
i bought kill bill 2 today. i love that movie. if the hole in the dvd were bigger i might try to make sweet love to it.(achem... a lot bigger) |
|
|
| mundanity |
[Aug. 12th, 2004|09:58 pm] |
thank god it is almost september. i cant handle any more summer, especially if it going to be the tragic disaster that this one is.
i am trying to pack as much fun into these next two weeks as i can. we've made the 2 hour drive to the lake twice already in the past two weeks. and i am not one to suffer long car rides. they make me homocidal.
i've gone on a movie frenzy also. Napoleon Dynamite is so funny. every line in that movie is hilarious. every non-line is hilarious. my face hurt afterwards. |
|
|
| mono-nerdiosis |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|11:03 pm] |
in the spirit of self-exploration and enlightenment, this summer i have learned that it will take a lot for me to make out under a table. your chances grow even more slim if i am completely sober and you are completely straight. they descend further if your girlfriend is there. and further still if your brother is also in attendance. no amount of sushi or quick-draw spin the bottle is going to sway me. i am a wall to your advances.
bottome line: you are going to have to really wow me.
despite the fact that i did not make out with anyone recently, i have some awesome flu thing coursing through my body. some of the symptoms involve sweating, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, and pouting.
however, true to form i am resisting any and all attempts to get me to the doctor. my family wants to get me out of the house tomorrow. they claim they wish to take me to a movie, but i have my suspicions and have built a solid contingency plan in the event that we arrive in front of urgent care. my plan ivolves elbow pads, a bird call, and about 300 helium balloons. |
|
|
| blowin through the jasmine in my mind? |
[Jun. 16th, 2004|09:26 pm] |
i cannot believe that i am saying this but i want school to start again. i hate this summer and i want it to end.
i sit around on my lazy ass and eat every minute or two while worrying about how i have no job or direction or anything. then at night i go out and drink.
i think i might actually be more tan during the winter. |
|
|
| testicle cancer poster boy |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|12:48 am] |
why is lance armstrong in so many fucking commercials? i swear that he and tony hawk are on television every fifteen seconds. i bet a million bucks that they appear in a commercial together in the next 6 months.
its nice that he survived cancer and all, but i couldnt care less if he thinks i should go with a certain long distance carrier or not.
i finally finished Bel Canto by ann patchett. it is very good but i think it fucked me up a little. that combined with finally seeing 21 grams has not done great things for me. ever since the funeral i have been a little weirded out by death. maybe i am not dealing with things as well as i thought i was.
my parents are moving to CHINA! oh shit where am i gonna live? why do i still live with them? why am i 22 and without a life? |
|
|
| timberwolves? |
[Jun. 1st, 2004|12:01 am] |
did you know that 6 out of 10 births start out as twins? they just dont come to term. now that is crazy shit.
saw day after tomorrow today. it was decent but then again i do enjoy the action movies. and pretty interesting special effects. it was fun.
there was this part about timberwolves though that was very very odd. i didnt realize that timberwolves would be a major threat during an apocalyptic event. extremely random. if anyone has seen it we should talk because i think i need a debriefing. |
|
|
| plastic please |
[May. 30th, 2004|10:26 pm] |
is anyone else slightly aroused by the crotch mannequins in places like JCPennys?
i cannot help but be intrigued by what is really going on under those joe boxer smiley faces. the mold they use is just so proportionate and enticing. and who wouldnt be smitten by the exuberant poses that they are always in? are they jumping for joy? are they throwing a javelin? who knows?
of course this may have to do with the fact that i am quickly approaching the year-without-sex marker. |
|
|
| again? |
[May. 28th, 2004|09:36 pm] |
well i am back from vegas. again.
there were some fun moments. i enjoyed winning a hundred dollars on video poker. i enjoyed constant free alcohol. and watching back to the future on tv was pretty fun.
but in the end i fucking hate that town. and my grandparents.
ALL they do is gamble and treat me like i am five years old. they didnt want me to wander too far from them.
i am 22.
i've lived away from home.
no one is going to kidnap me. i'm just not that desirable.
they should have simply purchased one of those toddler-tethers for my wrist. or maybe a harness to go around my chest.
this made it incredibly difficult to drink without them seeing how much of a lush i am. so i resorted to buying shots. can you guess where that hundred dollars i won went?
another low point involved a security guard that did not believe that i was over 21, despite my valid ID. he put my wristband indicating my age and SHAME far too snugly on my wrist.
a REALLY low point involved accidentally seeing my grandfather's penis while at the urinals. i will never have an erection again. |
|
|
| O'Reilly Idol? |
[May. 18th, 2004|09:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
anyone who knows me knows that i am pretty masochistic. i 'enjoy' watching christian television and extremely right wing shows. i figure it is a good idea to know what the other side is saying... or not saying.
however, i HATE HATE HATE Bill O'Reilly. he is the dumbest person ever. no Bill, the ACLU is not a left-wing organization you fuck-for-brains. maybe you should do some research on what you are talking about before you do a WHOLE 'show' on it. god.
speaking of masochistic and dumb, i was also watching american idol tonight. apparently the winner of canadian idol was in the audience all mohawked and alternative. i was wondering how canadian and american idol might differ. there is probably a social service round for the canadian idol. like singing Jerimiah was a Bullfrog while saving the wetlands. since the wetlands seem to be so en vogue these days.
or i imagine you might have to write an essay. 3000 words or more.
now that's entertainment. |
|
|
| probably not as clever as YOU |
[May. 17th, 2004|11:23 pm] |
sorry that this journal has become completely uninteresting. i'll try to work on that.
sometimes i cannot believe that i am growing up and then growing up hits me in the balls as hard it can.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gatorrosie i cannot believe that you deleted your journal. CANNOT. |
|
|
| mothers day motherfuckers |
[May. 9th, 2004|10:05 pm] |
my gift to my mom was getting drunk with her off of margaritas at 2:00 in the afternoon.
like confessional drunk |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
